Knowing all the hundred and one things I want to do, the things that bedazzle all tourists, I give you - The Prayer for Tourists.
Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient
tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth,
taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and
walking around in drip-dry underwear.
We beseech you O Lord to see that our plane is not hijacked,
our luggage is not lost and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.
Protect us from surly and unscrupulous taxi drivers, avaricious porters
and unlicensed English speaking guides.
Give us this day divine guidance in the selection
of our hotels, that we may find our reservations honoured,
our rooms made up, breakfast included, and (hot) water running in the taps.
We pray that the telephones work, and the operators speak our tongue
and remember our morning call for the sake of others on our tour,
And that there is no mail from our children awaiting us
which would force us to cancel the rest of our trip.
Lead us, dear Lord, to good, inexpensive restaurants
where the food is superb, the waiters friendly and the wine served complimentary.
Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand.
Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance and over tipping out of fear.
Make the locals love us for who we are, and not for what we can contribute
to their worldly goods.
Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the cathedrals,
the colonial houses, national parks, and convict jails
listed as "must see" in our guide books.
And if by chance we skip an historic monument to take a nap after lunch,
have mercy on us, for the flesh is but weak.
And when our trip is over and we return to our loved ones, grant us
the favour of finding someone who will look at our home movies and
listen to our stories.
So our stories will not have been in vain.......